The District of Columbia funds the largest standing army the world has ever known and prints the currency that makes the world go round. Through a signature on sanctions or the shake of a hand, the district has the ability to make or break entire economies. But evidently, we cannot handle a little inclement weather older than man himself.
Winter Storm Fern was indeed severe, with four to seven inches of snow in the Beltway followed by an unusual six to nine inches of sleet, rendering the entire water volume equivalent to a 20-inch blizzard. But Sunday’s snowstorm was not unprecedented (the district has seen colder spells and higher-volume storms), and more importantly, it went largely as meteorologists forecasted. The men of my medium-density neighborhood spent Sunday intermittently scooping out fresh powder, then fresh crystals as they fell, and then crushing the remains on Monday before they had a chance to crystallize into the sort of dangerous and slippery icebergs that make walking an Olympic sport.
It seems that almost every local government in the Washington metro failed to get the memo, except for the literal Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority. The sidewalks and crosswalks within the capital remain coated with mini mountains of ice, while entire city streets in the Virginia suburbs of Arlington and Alexandria are still only navigable by Zamboni or snowmobile. Meanwhile, despite requiring a pair of hiking boots, at one point climbing on my hands and knees, and (accidentally) sledding down an ice-glazed hill that Fairfax County has decided is optional for use by the disabled and the elderly, I managed to take the bus that resumed fewer than 48 hours after the storm ended. Whether this is a testament to the exceptional performance of the Metro under Randy Clarke or a galling indictment of the rest of government is for the reader to decide…