A man wrestling with a moral burden he could no longer carry.
When a tragedy shakes the nation, people search for something steady to hold on to—a reason, a pattern, a clue that might help us understand how someone crossed the line from private pain to public harm.
Cole Allen’s message to his family, sent minutes before the attack, does not give us peace. But it does reveal a man wrestling with guilt, anger, and a sense of moral burden he could no longer carry in a healthy way.
His email opens with apology after apology. “Let me start off by apologizing to everyone whose trust I abused,” he wrote, naming his parents, colleagues, students, and even strangers he encountered while traveling. That kind of sweeping remorse shows someone who still felt tied to the people around him, even as he prepared to break those ties in the most devastating way…