Lord of Lactose creams Denver rival in Wash Park milk-chug battle

The Bovine Baron took on the Lord of Lactose in a Saturday milk-chugging duel at Washington Park.

State of play: An April Fool’s prank turned 24-year-old Liam Poultney (aka the Bovine Baron) into a Mile High milk-swilling sensation — luring challengers and side-eyes, as the joke quickly curdles into something bigger.

Catch up quick: A friend secretly plastered Denver and Arapahoe County with flyers daring strangers to out-chug him earlier this month. One event, April 19 at Observatory Park, drew 100-plus challengers.

  • But the Baron got his bovine butt beaten, drinking about two-thirds of a gallon in five minutes.
  • He also barfed.

Zoom out: Enter the Lord of Lactose.

  • Matthew Garis, 26, an accountant from Denton, Texas, saw the loss on Instagram, booked a flight, and arrived Saturday in a pinwheel hat.

In the room: Two half-gallons. Five minutes.

  • The competitors stood back-to-back, took three paces, turned and chugged.
  • Both went out fast.

Poultney paused — then paused again. Garis kept chugging.

  • In the end, the Lord of Lactose finished his half-gallon in 2 minutes, 9 seconds, and Denver’s own Bovine Baron made it only halfway.

Winners: Everyone.

  • “It feels like there’s whimsy in this, and we’re missing a lot of whimsy in the world right now,” the Baron said.

What’s next: Poultney wants to turn milk-chugging into an annual event — possibly tied to a breast cancer fundraiser…

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