Once upon a time, when high school was full of opportunity and my GPA was still pleasant to look at, there was a pit in the commons where students could gather, socialize, and consume ungodly amounts of cafeteria burritos. It was a sanctuary—a place of camaraderie and bonding. But those days are gone, lost to time and only found in the memories of the occasional upperclassman. Now, the pit returns, reimagined not as a haven, but as an unforgiving arena of discipline. Think less “general sense of happiness” and more… Hunger Games.
In a groundbreaking move, the administration at Williamsville East High School has decided to expand the school’s detention zones to include its swimming pool, transforming it into a space where escape is futile and suffering is mandatory. Once the varsity swim season wraps up, the pool will be drained of its water and filled instead with those foolish enough to talk back to a teacher. The administration believes this “Detention Pit” will serve as the ultimate corrective measure, making students think twice before pulling out their phones in class.
“We’ve tried everything else,” grumbled an administrator. “Lunch detentions? Ignored. Saturday school? Mocked. Calling parents? They laugh at us. This—this is our magnum opus.”…