Recently, there have been rumors of a large duck waddling around campus. Huge webbed footprints have been spotted on the Hudson shoreline by the Griffith Building, and three-foot-long feathers have been spotted in Palmer Fountain. As a journalist of the highest order, I took it upon myself to get to the root of the matter and assuage the anxieties of the Stevens community at large. To this end, I went straight to the Top, the Big Cheese, Il Capitano, El Numero Uno, the Head Honcho, the Don, the NariMAN, Stevens Institute of Technology’s 7th Supreme Overlord, Farvardin for an interview. The interview follows line for line, with the conclusions, chilling and shocking they may be, to be made for yourself.