“No torso, no visible head, no arms: just a pair of legs strutting awkwardly across the frame and the lawn. The sentient legs are covered in what appears to be loose white cloth or flesh. Overall, it’s reminiscent of the haunted pants in Dr. Seuss’s What Was I Scared Of? … The only lesson to learn here is that Dr. Seuss was right: sentient pants are terrifying.” -J.W. Ocker, The United States of Cryptids, 2022.