Additional Coverage:
- My mom had one rule for me: ‘Don’t fall in love and move away.’ I now live 5 minutes from her and am full of regret. (businessinsider.com)
Denver Native Reflects on Staying Close to Home, Hopes Daughter Charts Her Own Course
A Denver woman reflects on a life lived close to home, pondering the what-ifs and hoping her daughter makes different choices. While enjoying breakfast with a friend recently, the conversation drifted to pre-marriage regrets. Amidst the syrup and casual chatter, a surprising confession emerged: “I wish I’d moved around more.”
This Denver resident lives mere minutes from her mother, a proximity that has defined much of her life. Though she attended college an hour away and indulged in some travel during her 20s, the trips were always brief, with a guaranteed return ticket home.
Her mother’s single travel rule – “Don’t fall in love and move away” – resonated deeply, shaping her decisions. This, despite her own parents leaving their Indiana hometowns in their 20s, and close high school friends establishing lives in London and Sydney.
Their adventures sparked a complex mix of envy and admiration.
The allure of far-off places has certainly beckoned. Vacations often involve browsing real estate listings in charming locales like Cannon Beach, Sydney, Guanajuato, and even the Twin Cities.
The thought, “I could live here,” has crossed her mind more than once. But a sense of responsibility, ingrained from childhood, has kept her rooted.
Growing up, family responsibilities weighed heavily on her. With a father struggling with mental illness and job instability, a chronically ill younger sister, and a mother working tirelessly for a non-profit, she learned early on to navigate a challenging home life.
As the eldest daughter, she became the responsible one, managing her own school attendance, maintaining a semblance of calm at home, supporting her sister during hospital stays, and explaining family absences to teachers. Walking on eggshells and anticipating the needs of others became second nature.
While her decision to stay close might have been perceived as an act of love by her parents, it was also fueled by her own anxieties – a fear that the family structure might crumble in her absence. She believed her presence was a safeguard against potential disaster, a way to protect her loved ones.
Now a mother herself, she observes her seven-year-old daughter already dreaming of distant horizons. Her daughter envisions designing a house in Vail or California, shared with her best friend and a multitude of cats.
While secretly harboring the hope that her daughter will remain close, this Denver mom recognizes the importance of allowing her daughter to forge her own path. She’s determined to break the cycle of anxiety and instill in her daughter the confidence to leave, if she chooses.
Success, she realizes, means a daughter who makes decisions without the burden of her mother’s emotional needs.
Despite her own regrets, she cherishes the silver linings of staying close. Regular family dinners, witnessing her nephews grow up, and the constant presence of family support are invaluable. While her life took a different course, she hopes her daughter embraces the freedom to create a full and joyful life wherever she chooses, knowing her mother’s love will always be there, no matter the distance.