Additional Coverage:
- My fiancé died when we were 27. People told me I should feel lucky because I still had time to find someone else. (businessinsider.com)
Brooklyn Educator Finds Love After Loss
Sara Beth Berman, a 43-year-old Jewish educator in Brooklyn, knows what it’s like to experience profound loss at a young age. She was only 27 when her fiancé, Rafi, passed away.
The pair met at a summer camp in Georgia when they were 22 and their connection was instant. A year later, their friendship blossomed into romance when Rafi moved to Manhattan, where Sara Beth was living.
Sara Beth knew about Rafi’s genetic disorder, but its impact was rarely visible during their courtship. He often downplayed its severity, and she, with no reason to doubt him, believed it was under control. The thought of losing him so young never crossed her mind.
In 2007, the couple moved to Jerusalem for a year of study. On Sara Beth’s very first day of classes, Rafi called to tell her he was on his way to the emergency room.
Downplaying the situation as always, he insisted she stay in class. Even at the hospital, he maintained it was “no big deal.”
Back in the US in 2008, Rafi’s health became increasingly unstable. During one hospital stay, he casually mentioned marriage.
Later, in May 2009, once discharged, he formally proposed. Wedding plans commenced, a venue was booked, and a dress was purchased.
Life seemed full of promise.
That promise was tragically cut short just months later. The couple moved into an Upper West Side apartment with a friend in August 2009.
Shortly thereafter, at a party, Sara Beth expressed concern about Rafi navigating a steep staircase, especially after a recent leg injury. He dismissed her worries, but later fell down the stairs, breaking his shoulder and hip.
These injuries, unbeknownst to them at the time, were a sign of his body shutting down.
The next day, Rafi slipped into a coma, passing away a month later on September 29, 2009. The world Sara Beth knew crumbled.
Consumed by grief, she struggled to function. As the seasons changed around her, she felt acutely aware of life moving forward without Rafi.
The support of close friends proved invaluable, helping her navigate the painful process of canceling the wedding and dealing with practical matters, like returning her wedding dress – a process made even more difficult by insensitive store policies.
Well-meaning but unhelpful comments from others, emphasizing her “luck” at not having married or had children with Rafi, only deepened her pain. What she craved was validation for her grief, not platitudes about the future.
Finding solace and understanding came a year later when she connected with a group of women who had experienced similar losses. This network offered a lifeline, proving she wasn’t alone in her grief.
Six years ago, Sara Beth found love again, marrying and welcoming a daughter into her life. She honors Rafi’s memory with annual memorial dinners, creating a space for shared remembrance and connection with those who loved him. Life has a way of moving forward, even after devastating loss, and Sara Beth’s story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.