The braindead masses in Salem are attempting to pass cap and trade once again. As a modest proposal, I suggest implementing a cap and trade system for murder. Every year that you do not kill someone, the government gives you a certificate verifying that you did not commit murder. The government will also operate a market in which the certificates of non-murder can be sold, taxing every transaction to pay for public services. As there will be no barrier to participation, murderers can avoid conviction simply by purchasing a certificate of non-murder. In the end, the number of murders is likely to increase due to the ease of purchasing vicarious clemency. Cap and trade applies this circuitous game of smoke and mirrors to the existential threat of climate change, monetizing…..