Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended.
It was 12:45 a.m. last Wednesday when the Colorado State University pisser struck Moby Arena. Once the dust cleared and the stream ended, all that seemingly remained was cigarette butts, soiled grass and a faint aroma of asparagus. But in the last second of the video, as clear and bright as Batman’s signal, a pair of butt cheeks filled the screen, and something else hit the ground.
This time it was different — a bigger, slower form of vandalism, more for the love of the game than the pisser’s quick spray of adrenaline. Within a day, the “CSU pisser” had been usurped by a single shit so big, one TikTok commenter thought he pooped a squirrel…