In the annals of criminal genius, there’s a special category reserved for individuals who manage to compound their initial poor judgment with decisions so spectacularly misguided that they deserve academic study. This week, Scottsdale provided us with a textbook example of how to transform simple vehicle theft into a master class in escalating stupidity.
Lyle Dennis Harmon Jr. was arrested last week after he allegedly crashed a stolen Humvee into a parked Scottsdale police vehicle, injuring the officer inside. Let’s pause to appreciate the layers of brilliance required to achieve this feat. First, steal a vehicle…but not just any vehicle. No, our protagonist selected a Hummer, because apparently subtlety is overrated when you’re already committed to a life of crime.
But why stop at simple theft? Our criminal mastermind decided to take his stolen military-style vehicle and use it as a battering ram against a parked police cruiser. The arrest report clarified it was a Hummer, which somehow makes the whole scenario even more absurd. It’s like choosing the most conspicuous possible weapon for the most conspicuous possible target…