Additional Coverage:
- When my son moved back home after college, he started attending church again — but a different one from mine. I felt rejected. (businessinsider.com)
My Son Chose a Different Church, and I Realized He’s Just Charting His Own Path
When my son returned home after college, I was surprised to learn he planned to attend a different church than our family. While his choice initially felt like a rejection of our traditions, I soon realized he wasn’t pulling away from us, but rather forming his own unique path.
“Are you coming to the 9 o’clock service with us?” I asked my 22-year-old son one Saturday night, a month after his college graduation and move back home.
“Actually, I’m going to check out the Catholic church,” he replied.
I paused, taken aback. While not entirely shocking given his girlfriend of three years was Catholic, the decision still stung.
I felt a pang of disappointment that he preferred to attend a Catholic service alone rather than join us at our Protestant church. Was he rejecting his father, me, and the traditions we held dear?
A Welcome Return, But With New Directions
We were thrilled to have our son back home last spring, cherishing this bonus time as we readjusted to sharing a house once more. The lanky teenager who left at 18 had been replaced by a young man focused on his new career.
It was surreal to chat about work like peers over dinner, only for me to nag him about hanging up his towel moments later. It felt like I had my son back, but something had undeniably shifted.
From Teenage Indifference to Renewed Faith
Throughout his teenage years, my son was never particularly enthusiastic about church. He never connected with the youth group, and when we dropped him off at college with a list of local churches, he never mentioned them. His faith seemed to wander, simmering quietly in the background.
That changed when he moved home. He started attending church with us again, and it felt like another way my son had returned to me.
However, after exploring the local Catholic church, he began attending mass there regularly. I was quietly pleased to see him taking his faith journey more seriously, but it continued to bother me that he was no longer worshipping with my husband and me.
Charting His Own Adult Path
“Where’s the big guy?” our pastor inquired about my son a couple of months ago.
When I shared that he was attending the Catholic church, our pastor nodded thoughtfully. I then added the happy news that my son had proposed to his girlfriend, and they were now engaged. When I mentioned his fiancée was Catholic, our pastor broke into a smile.
He expressed genuine support for my son attending a different church, emphasizing the importance of him pursuing a deeper relationship with God at the same place his fiancée worshipped. This, he concluded, would only make him a better husband.
A range of emotions washed over me: surprise, relief, and happiness. My pastor had flipped my perspective, and rightly so.
I realized my son wasn’t rejecting us; instead, he was pursuing his independence and preparing for a life with his fiancée. He wasn’t walking away from us, but rather using the seeds his dad and I had planted all those years we took him to church to grow his faith along a path that belonged uniquely to him.
My son and his fiancée are planning their wedding for later next year in a Catholic church. I will be blessed to watch them commit to each other there. I’m grateful he found his faith again, and that what once felt like him drifting away was actually him growing toward his own adult faith and future.