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- I’m a psychologist and grandmother of 6. Here are 6 ways grandparents can build better relationships with their kids and grandkids. (businessinsider.com)
Grandparenting 101: Psychologist Shares Six Tips for Stronger Family Bonds
Local families looking to bridge generational gaps and cultivate richer relationships with their grandchildren can find valuable insights from psychologist Dale Atkins. With six grandchildren of her own, Atkins, author of “The Turquoise Butterfly,” draws on a lifetime of experience and the lessons learned from her own mother to navigate the unique dynamics of intergenerational connections.
Atkins, 77, emphasizes that while these relationships hold immense potential, they can also present significant challenges. To foster healthier bonds, she champions a six-step approach, rooted in observation, support, and understanding.
Let the Kids Lead the Way
One of the most effective strategies for building rapport, Atkins suggests, is simply showing up and demonstrating genuine interest in a grandchild’s world. Recalling her own mother’s dedication to attending swim meets and holiday parties, Atkins notes that even feigning interest can be appreciated. When sharing experiences, like a museum visit, the focus should shift from teaching to observing what genuinely captures their attention, allowing those interests to guide future conversations.
Prioritize Support Above All Else
The fundamental role of a grandparent, according to Atkins, is to be a steadfast source of support for both their children and grandchildren. This often necessitates putting personal desires aside.
She recounts an anecdote of a grandmother whose sulking at a birthday party, due to feeling overlooked, ultimately strained her relationship with her daughter. Selfless support, Atkins underscores, is paramount.
Give Freely, Without Expectation
While expectations can be a natural part of any relationship, unspoken ones can lead to conflict. Atkins highlights scenarios where financial contributions, such as paying for schooling, might lead a grandparent to feel entitled to critique educational choices.
Her advice is clear: if you choose to give, do so without expecting anything in return. If expectations do exist, open and honest communication with family members is crucial.
Embrace Generational Differences
Understanding that grandparents and grandchildren hail from distinct eras, belief systems, and cultural traditions is vital. Acknowledging that each family member brings unique experiences to the table is key.
While some values and experiences can be shared, others may not resonate equally. Frustration can arise if grandchildren don’t connect with a story deemed important, but Atkins reminds us that their lived experiences differ significantly.
Share Stories in Engaging Bites
As keepers of memories, older generations often feel compelled to impart family history. However, lengthy narratives can often bore younger audiences.
Atkins suggests a different approach: sharing short, intriguing snippets that pique curiosity. Leaving grandchildren wanting more can transform history lessons into a more enjoyable and engaging experience for everyone.
Ask More Questions, Less Judgment
Whether interacting with children or grandchildren, Atkins advocates for asking more questions. Instead of resorting to phrases like, “That’s not how we did it in my day,” she encourages genuine curiosity about new approaches or ideas. A sincere desire to understand will be recognized and appreciated by family members, fostering open dialogue.
By adopting these thoughtful strategies, families can cultivate stronger, more positive intergenerational relationships, enriching the lives of both grandparents and grandchildren alike.