Additional Coverage:
- I have the best talks with my preteen son when I drive him to school in the morning. I hope he knows I’m always here for him. (businessinsider.com)
The Unspoken Language of Car Rides: How One Mom Stays Connected to Her Tween
As children transition into their tween years, a common challenge for parents is maintaining open lines of communication. Ashley Archambault, a local mother, shares her insights on how she’s navigating this shift with her 12-year-old son, finding an unexpected sanctuary for connection in the family car.
Archambault, reflecting on advice from a former supervisor, realized the profound impact of simply driving her children around. “The secret to keeping her kids close was to drive them around as much as possible,” she recalls her supervisor saying. This wisdom has proven invaluable as her son enters a new stage of independence and, at times, quiet introspection.
“My son just turned 12, and the shift from boy to teenager seems to have happened overnight,” Archambault notes. While she understands the natural progression of a child seeking more independence, she admits to missing the days when her son was her “best buddy.” Now, his time is often consumed by social circles, whether on the phone or online.
However, Archambault has embraced the consistent need for transportation as a unique opportunity. Drives to and from school, and especially to sports practices and games, have become “priceless” moments.
With sixth grade marking an increase in social engagements, she anticipates these car rides will only grow in frequency. Far from dreading the role of chauffeur, she sees these trips as “hidden opportunities, like diamonds in the rough, to remain connected to him.”
Archambault emphasizes the importance of allowing conversations to develop naturally. She avoids forcing serious discussions or disciplinary talks during these drives, recognizing that such attempts can make her son feel “trapped” and shut down.
Instead, she creates a “safe space” where organic conversations can emerge. The presence of music and the passing scenery often provide distractions and starting points, transforming the car into a “white flag zone where we stop arguing and start talking again.”
These side-by-side interactions seem to facilitate a different kind of openness. Archambault observes that her son is sometimes more willing to vent or share what’s bothering him when he’s not facing her directly. The knowledge of an impending destination also seems to ease the pressure.
Beyond the spoken words, Archambault believes her consistent presence in the driver’s seat sends a powerful, unspoken message. “Willingly taking him everywhere he needs to go daily, I think, is communicating to him that I’m not going to stop showing up for him,” she explains.
Even during tense moments or periods of silence, her presence reassures him that she remains committed to her role as his mother, offering steadfast support no matter the challenges. “I’ll be sitting there in silence if that’s what he needs,” she concludes, “but the message I hope to send him is: I’m still here.”