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- I was the primary caregiver for my mother until she died. The responsibilities didn’t end with her death. (businessinsider.com)
A Son’s Enduring Devotion: Caring for His Mother’s Legacy Beyond Life
NEW YORK, NY – For many, the role of caregiver concludes with the passing of a loved one. But for Ty Cole, a Los Angeles resident with deep roots in New York, the journey of caregiving for his mother, Lysa Hall, transformed after her death, shifting from medical needs and daily routines to safeguarding her memory and legacy.
Lysa Hall, described by her son as “my world” and a woman of remarkable strength, faced a life marked by numerous surgeries. However, it was a seemingly minor infection at age 59 that led to a rapid decline, leaving her bedridden and dependent. This critical turning point prompted Ty to step into the demanding role of primary caregiver, despite the geographical distance between New York and Los Angeles.
“It was an eight-month journey that taught me to grow up,” Cole reflects on the period where he became his mother’s “hands” when others weren’t available. His responsibilities extended beyond emotional support, encompassing the intricate management of her medical needs, financial affairs, and, crucially, her dignity.
Cole frequently traveled back to New York, meticulously handling his mother’s mail and bills. As a secondary holder on her accounts, a foresight enacted months prior, he ensured her finances were managed transparently, paying bills, keeping receipts, and sending her photos to keep her informed. “It was her money, and I wanted her to be informed and respected,” he emphasizes.
The financial complexities presented significant challenges, with overdue hospital bills emerging unexpectedly. Navigating calls, paperwork, and requests for extensions while maintaining a full-time career in the entertainment industry stretched Cole thin.
Yet, through it all, his focus remained on his mother’s well-being and preserving her sense of self. “Losing control was harder for her, so I focused on preserving her dignity and reminding her that needing help didn’t erase who she was,” he explains.
Lysa Hall passed away last May, a loss that profoundly impacted her son. “It broke me,” Cole admits, but he finds solace in knowing he fulfilled his promise to never leave her side, doing everything possible to ensure her safety and ease her stress. “After everything she poured into me, I’m grateful I could pour back into her.”
Following her death, the immediate practical demands of caregiving subsided. “Suddenly, there were no more calls to the nurse, no more reminders, and no more check-ins,” Cole recalls.
His emotions were in flux, but his faith provided an anchor. The surreal experience of her death was made more manageable by the support of his brother, who “swooped in and took the baton,” handling many of her affairs.
Together with their father, they navigated the difficult process of informing family and planning the funeral. “Sharing the load felt strange because every task we completed made her absence more permanent,” Cole notes.
However, the role of caregiver didn’t truly end for Ty Cole. After the funeral, he recognized that his connection to his mother had simply transformed.
Now, his caregiving manifests as a dedication to protecting her memory and honoring her legacy. He ensures her story remains true, filling in any gaps and keeping her traditions alive.
Cole fondly recounts their annual Christmas tradition of visiting Bergdorf Goodman, culminating in dinner. This year, he recreated the experience, and with his sister-in-law, cooked his mother’s famous lasagna, adding his own touch while preserving one essential ingredient: love.
For Ty Cole, the physical chapter with his mother may have closed, but a new one has opened. “I don’t just miss her; I feel guided by her,” he states, embodying a profound and enduring form of caregiving that transcends life itself.