Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
PALO ALTO – The Santa Clara County District Attorney unsealed murder charges this week against Martin Mayfly Ph.D. ‘27, a graduate student of physics at Stanford, for the alleged killing of James Mayfly Jr. ‘73, his grandfather. Prosecutors charged Mayfly with one count of first degree murder for the alleged killing of his grandfather and three more counts of second degree murder for the resulting paradoxical killing of his father, his sister and himself, raising several new legal questions.
Mayfly’s lawyer, Marco Anconie, contended that, “The alleged killing was in self-defense. My client only killed his grandfather because he presented an imminent threat in the timeline where my client did not kill him. As to the second degree murder charges, Mayfly had no malice aforethought in the cases of James Mayfly III and IV, who went on to never exist due to my client’s alleged actions.”…