Fayetteville, N.C. — The Fayetteville Police Department issued a public safety advisory titled “Fayetteville Nightly Routine (Don’t Wake Up Mad Edition),” outlining steps residents should take before bed to deter theft and improve security.
- Lock your car doors like you just remembered your ex has your location.
- Take your valuables out of the car. “Yes, even that crusty gym bag and the charger that only works if you bend it just right. If it’s in there, it’s a blessing to somebody else.”
- Turn your outside lights on. Let your house glow like a Waffle House sign at 2 a.m. “Visibility = Accountability.”
- Lock ALL your doors. Not just the front. Not just the back. ALL of them. Fayetteville don’t care about your “we live in a nice area” speech.
The advisory also cautions against leaving a gun in a car, noting a list of humorous labels for the firearm and warning that a car is not a safe. It states, “Your car is not a safe. That’s you catering to somebody else’s bad decisions.”
If it’s unlocked, unlit, or unattended, the advisory says, “congratulations, you just volunteered as tribute.”
It concludes with the phrases, “Lock it. Light it. Remove it.” The post ends with: “Go double-check everything before the sleep monster sneaks up on you like that one “quick nap” that turns into waking up confused at 3am.”…