Additional Coverage:
### The Joy of Being Single: A Conversation with Bella DePaulo
*Doug Ellis/Bella DePaulo*
– Bella DePaulo, a 70-year-old social scientist and author, has chosen to remain single for life.
– She feels most content and fulfilled with the freedom that comes from being single.
– As of 2023, about 31% of American women have never been married, up from 24% in 1999.
—
This story is based on an interview with Bella DePaulo, who shared insights into her life choice of remaining single. The interview has been edited for brevity and clarity.
“I’m 70 years old and have never been in a relationship—and I have no desire to be. I consider myself ‘single at heart,’ meaning I find my greatest joy and satisfaction living independently.
From a young age, marriage never appealed to me. While those around me were eager to get married, I believed I might feel the same way eventually.
However, that desire never came. I knew I didn’t want to have children either.
My dating experiences in my younger years were pleasant, but each time a romantic relationship ended, I felt relieved. I was always glad to return to my single life, which I deeply enjoyed.
Recognizing that I didn’t want a romantic partner was a liberating moment. That nagging thought—‘Maybe you’ll change your mind’—disappeared.
Being single is the key to my happiness. It’s not about missing out on a romantic relationship; the true loss for me would be not living my best life or being true to myself.”
*Bella DePaulo*
### Embracing Complete Control
“The single lifestyle perfectly suits me. I enjoy making decisions about my own life, from daily routines to larger life changes.
I can choose when to sleep, eat, work, or play. Living alone allows me to set up my home exactly how I like it, keeping it as warm, cold, tidy, or messy as I prefer.
If I put something in a spot, it stays there until I move it.
Being single has also granted me the freedom to make significant life changes. In 1999, I was working at the University of Virginia but took a sabbatical at the University of California at Santa Barbara.
I fell in love with the location and decided to stay, enjoying the beautiful weather and the stimulating intellectual and political environment. A friend once said, ‘You’re single; you can stay if you want,’ which helped me realize I could make profound choices for myself.
The move from the East to the West Coast was huge, but worth it. I might not have made such a decision if I had a romantic partner.”
### Connections Beyond Romance
“In 1992, I began studying single life because media representations were not aligning with my experience. The common narrative suggested single people were unhappy and lonely, which was far from my truth.
My research, along with studies by other scholars, revealed that single people are often more socially connected than their married counterparts. While married people tend to focus on ‘the one,’ single people have ‘the ones’—a broad network of relationships.
Being single allows me to enjoy various forms of love—friendships, mentorships, and passions—without the constraints of a romantic partner. When viewed this way, there’s a wealth of love in single people’s lives.”
### Changing Perceptions
“Despite my happiness, I’ve faced judgment and exclusion from couples. Friends and family often demote me from dinner to lunch or brunch plans or exclude me from weekends after entering a relationship. Additionally, I’m often expected to work during holidays because people assume single folks don’t have personal lives.
I used to get upset about these things but now understand that the issue lies with those who can’t see beyond romantic relationships. I aim to challenge these stereotypes through writing, such as in my latest book, ‘Single at Heart,’ to help other single people feel confident and content with their choices.
To all single individuals: Live your single lives fully, joyfully, and unapologetically.”
Read the original article on [Business Insider](#).