Additional Coverage:
- I’m no longer writing thank-you notes, and I’m not making my kids do it, either (businessinsider.com)
Thank-You Note Rebellion: One Family’s Revolt Against Guilt-Ridden Gratitude
One Saturday afternoon, two months after my daughter’s birthday, we sat facing a mountain of thank-you cards, an address spreadsheet, and a gift list. The air was thick with pre-teen angst – and my own.
“Why do I have to do this again?” she asked, her eyes questioning.
I had no good answer. It was an epiphany.
Why were we doing this?
I was raised on thank-you note etiquette. There were arbitrary rules: one month deadlines, holding checks hostage until a note was penned.
It all felt forced, less about gratitude and more about obligation. Now, as a parent grappling with the same thank-you note tradition, I’ve decided to break free.
No more forced gratitude for me or my kids.
This isn’t easy. Shedding ingrained habits passed down from Boomer parents can be tough.
There’s a definite generational tension. I realized my thank-you notes were written from a place of “should,” even shame.
It’s a feeling I’d unknowingly passed on to my children. But how many times do we need to say thank you?
In person, by phone, by text… when is it enough? Surely genuine thankfulness can exist without a handwritten note.
I vividly recall, two weeks postpartum, sleep-deprived and barely functioning, dutifully writing thank-you notes for meal deliveries. The memory now sparks anger, not warm fuzzies.
It was guilt, not gratitude, fueling those notes. My focus should have been on my newborn, not on etiquette.
Navigating the thank-you landscape is tricky. Some family and friends cherish these notes, even reciprocating with thank-you notes for my thank-you notes!
Others declare them unnecessary (music to my ears). This range of attitudes is baffling.
For me, formal thank-you notes feel outdated. There are so many other ways to express gratitude – a call, an email, a video, even a text.
Or, as my daughter suggested, a piece of art. It’s the sincerity that counts, not the medium.
I might still write an occasional note if the spirit moves me, but the pressure is off. We’re reclaiming our time and energy, choosing to express thanks in ways that feel authentic and meaningful.
The paper isn’t the point; the gratitude is.
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- I’m no longer writing thank-you notes, and I’m not making my kids do it, either (businessinsider.com)