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- When my identical twins were born I jokingly called them ‘copy’ and ‘paste.’ I worried they’d struggle to find their own identities. (businessinsider.com)
Raising “Copy” and “Paste”: How We Helped Our Identical Twins Forge Their Own Identities
When our identical twin boys, Charlie and Thomas, were born, I jokingly dubbed them “Copy” and “Paste.” But behind the dad joke was a real concern: How could we help them navigate a world that might see them as two of a kind rather than two unique individuals?
Our strategy began with color-coding. While many parents of twins embrace matching outfits, we went the opposite route.
Charlie was clad in green, Thomas in blue. This simple system helped everyone tell them apart, but also reinforced the idea that they were distinct individuals.
It wasn’t foolproof, though. Any deviation from the color code caused widespread confusion, even among those who knew them well.
A brief attempt to dress Charlie in brown (a nod to Charlie Brown) quickly ended when he declared his dislike for the color.
Beyond clothing, we fostered individuality in their daily lives. Separate bedrooms from age one provided personal spaces to cultivate their own interests. Birthdays were always celebrated individually, with two rounds of “Happy Birthday” and separate gifts.
When they started school, we requested separate classrooms. We hoped this would encourage independent learning and friendships, and while it helped the teachers, their classmates still struggled.
They were collectively known as “Charlieandthomas,” responding to either name interchangeably. Outside school, their interests often aligned, especially in sports.
So, I was delighted when Thomas took up the ukulele, giving him a unique pursuit.
Despite our efforts, the twins discovered the fun of mistaken identity. In third grade, they swapped classes for a whole day, fooling everyone.
Their secret was only revealed when Charlie, excited by his success, confided in a friend. I’ll admit, I was secretly impressed by their ingenuity.
The teenage years naturally brought more differentiation. Thomas leaned towards math and science, while Charlie favored humanities.
During the pandemic lockdowns, my long hair inspired Thomas to grow his out, while Charlie kept his short. This visual difference made them easier to distinguish.
Their social circles also diverged, with Thomas playing basketball and Charlie pursuing other fitness interests. Dating further expanded their individual worlds.
Their final year of high school included one last yearbook photo swap, a prank immortalized in print.
Interestingly, they never seemed bothered by being mistaken for each other, casually answering to the wrong name and sharing knowing glances. As they head off to different colleges (their choice), I reflect on our 18-year journey.
The color-coding, separate bedrooms, individual birthdays, and encouragement of different interests all played a role in shaping their individual identities. From “Copy” and “Paste,” they’ve become two distinct originals.
Mission accomplished.