Additional Coverage:
- My partner and I don’t want to get married, but sometimes, if we’re traveling or there’s a health emergency, it’s easier to let people assume we are (businessinsider.com)
Navigating Love and Language Beyond Convention
The pressure to conform to societal norms, especially regarding relationships, can be immense. Even when you’ve consciously chosen a different path, like I have, the expectation to define your relationship by titles like “husband” and “wife” can be difficult to ignore. I’ve never felt the need to get married, but I often find myself grappling with the limitations of language when describing my long-term partnership.
The Swedish concept of sambo – living together before or instead of marriage – highlights a cultural acceptance of diverse relationship structures. This simple word acknowledges a commitment that exists outside of legal frameworks.
My partner and I have built a strong, unconventional life together over the past decade. We’ve navigated the typical challenges of any long-term relationship and arrived at a place of deep understanding and mutual respect.
We’ve consciously chosen to define our love on our own terms, not by societal expectations.
While I appreciate the beauty and significance of weddings for many, marriage never resonated with me. The terms “husband,” “wife,” and “spouse” carry a certain weight, a societal seal of approval. Deviating from this norm often requires explanation, even when the commitment is just as profound.
Choosing not to marry has actually fostered deeper conversations about what love means to us. We’ve built a unique foundation, one that isn’t reliant on paperwork or legal recognition. We choose each other daily, driven by our love and commitment, not external pressures.
Introducing my partner’s family can be tricky. I refer to his mother as his mother, not my mother-in-law.
His son remains his son, not my stepson, despite the close bond we share. While I sometimes long for the simplicity of conventional labels, using them would feel disingenuous.
There are moments, however, when it’s easier to let assumptions slide. During travel or emergencies, the weight of conventional titles can be helpful.
Last year, when I had a migraine in a hotel, my partner told the front desk, “My wife has a migraine.” He used “wife” not “girlfriend,” understanding its inherent seriousness and the immediate recognition it commands.
I recognized the reason behind his word choice. While our commitment is equally strong, societal understanding hasn’t quite caught up.
What does love look like without traditional conventions? While progressive society embraces evolving relationship dynamics, the language hasn’t kept pace. I hope for a future where personal definitions of love are readily accepted and easily conveyed.
I’m proud of our unconventional partnership. It’s unique, specific, and entirely ours. But sometimes, like when facing a headache in a hotel, I’ll accept the convenient shorthand of “wife.”