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- Weaponized incompetence is back, and it’s driving modern women out of their marriages (businessinsider.com)
“Weaponized Incompetence:” Why It’s Driving Couples Apart
The term “weaponized incompetence” has taken social media by storm, highlighting a common complaint in many relationships: one partner feigning inability to complete basic tasks. While often manifesting in heterosexual relationships, with women shouldering the burden, the issue transcends gender.
One woman, Mila, shared her experience of feeling like a single parent during pregnancy due to her partner’s constant avoidance of chores. This resonated with many online, echoing similar stories shared across platforms like Reddit and TikTok.
Experts like Dennis Vetrano, a New York divorce attorney, confirm this trend, noting a significant increase in female clients citing their partner’s failure to contribute equally as a primary reason for divorce. Psychotherapist Matt Lundquist agrees, observing that the pandemic exacerbated existing tensions around household labor division, often reverting to traditional gender roles.
The crux of “weaponized incompetence” lies in the intent. While genuine ineptitude exists, the term describes a deliberate feigning of inability, masking an unwillingness to contribute. This can range from claiming ignorance about grocery shopping to conveniently “forgetting” household responsibilities.
This dynamic isn’t new. The concept of women carrying the weight of unpaid domestic labor, even while holding paid jobs, was explored in Arlie Hochschild’s 1989 book, “The Second Shift.” The term “strategic incompetence” emerged in the 2000s, further solidifying the phenomenon.
While some men argue that women misinterpret genuine ineptitude, others recognize the pattern in their own behavior. One man admitted to feigning ignorance about salad-making, knowing his fiancée would step in.
The issue extends beyond individual relationships. Despite progress in gender equality, the division of household labor remains stubbornly uneven. As women increasingly excel in education, careers, and financial independence, the expectation of also managing the majority of household tasks leads to burnout and resentment.
Couples therapists offer advice for navigating this issue. Directly accusing a partner of “weaponized incompetence” can be unproductive, as it implies malicious intent. Instead, focusing on the impact of the behavior, regardless of intention, can lead to more constructive conversations.
Experts recommend approaching the topic with generosity and understanding. Open communication, a willingness to learn, and a fair redistribution of tasks are crucial. However, if efforts are not reciprocated, it’s essential to recognize personal boundaries.
Ultimately, adapting to evolving gender roles and expectations requires open communication, mutual respect, and a commitment to shared responsibility, both inside and outside the home.
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- Weaponized incompetence is back, and it’s driving modern women out of their marriages (businessinsider.com)