Additional Coverage:
- My 76-year-old mother moved from Florida to New York to live with me, but left after 2 years because I was too boring (businessinsider.com)
When Mom Moved In: An Upstate Daughter Discovers the Wild Side of Senior Living
Upstate New York – What happens when a fiercely independent, free-spirited mother moves in with her quiet, homebody daughter? For Jennifer Jane, it was an adventure, a delightful two-year stint, and ultimately, a lesson in just how different two people, even family, can be.
Back in 2020, Jennifer’s mother, a “bold, free-spirited” woman, found herself at 76 realizing that maintaining her Florida home was becoming too much. With a sister nearby but busy, Jennifer extended an invitation: “Come live with us, Mom. It will be relaxing and peaceful.”
So, at 76, Jennifer’s mother packed up her two dogs and treasured possessions and headed north to upstate New York, ready to spend her golden years with Jennifer and her two youngest daughters. What could go wrong? They’d always gotten along well!
A Delightful Beginning… and a Growing Realization
Initially, it was wonderful. After years of distance, the mother-daughter duo enjoyed their time together.
This was a woman, after all, who had moved from New York to Florida over 30 years prior, and even ventured solo to the Dominican Republic and Costa Rica in her 60s “just for the adventure.” Jennifer, by contrast, admits that a new grocery store is enough to stress her out.
Perhaps the writing was on the wall.
While they shared common interests like gardening, crafting, and a love for reading, living in separate states had masked their fundamental differences. Jennifer’s mom is gregarious and social, with a wide circle of friends. Jennifer, a single, work-from-home professional living in the woods, describes herself as the opposite, with only a handful of friends she socializes with.
They did enjoy outings – farmers markets, café lunches, thrift shopping, and even selling handmade cat toys (knitted by Mom, benefitting feral cats!) at a local lavender farm. But Jennifer’s demanding work schedule and her daughters kept her home much of the time.
From Wonder Woman to Alfred Pennyworth
It wasn’t long before Jennifer’s mom, used to being the “strong, independent Wonder Woman” managing her own vibrant world, started to feel like “Alfred Pennyworth in Batman’s cave.” Despite having old friends in New York, it paled in comparison to her bustling social life in Florida.
She enjoyed knitting, cooking, history shows, and weekly shopping trips with a close friend. New joys included hearing her granddaughters sing and the geese honk overhead, plus laughs with the “Golden Girls.”
But when counting bird species at the feeder and knitting for hours became the highlight of her day, Mom knew something had to change.
Boredom: A Fate Worse Than Old Age
“Eventually, Mom decided she was too lonely and bored to stay,” Jennifer recounted. Her life had shrunk, becoming “too small and quiet for her comfort or happiness.” This fiercely independent woman, who once chased adventure, realized she couldn’t be contained.
After a two-year stay, Jennifer’s mother, now 81, made the decision to return to Florida. She’s now happily settled in a small mobile home on her sister’s property, where she’s back to her old self: socializing, pet-sitting, creating art, and caring for her dogs and chickens.
The biggest takeaway? While she no longer desires the full responsibility of her own house, she thrives living alone in her own space, with support nearby, but not in the next room.
And as for facing the inevitable? Dying of old age is acceptable, she concluded, but “dying of boredom is out of the question.”