Additional Coverage:
- I’ve been married to my husband for a decade. I wasn’t prepared as a new military wife for how long he’d be gone. (businessinsider.com)
Local Couple Navigates “Part-Time” Military Marriage Across Continents
A local couple shares the unique journey of their decade-long “part-time” military marriage, a commitment that began with wedding congratulations received in two different countries and has since spanned thousands of miles and numerous personal and professional milestones.
The husband, serving in the military, was stationed in Kuwait, while his wife was in Minnesota when they first learned of their newlywed status via email. This unconventional start set the tone for a relationship often defined by distance, as deployments, trainings, and career opportunities frequently kept them apart.
“In the 10 years since then, situations such as deployments, rotations, job opportunities, graduate school, courses, field exercises, travel, and training have kept us apart for about half of that time,” the wife explained.
She admits that before marriage, she hadn’t fully grasped the extent to which military life demands separation. This reality necessitated a rapid adjustment to plans, a flexible mindset, and a determination to maximize the value of their time together, no matter how brief.
Early in their marriage, while living in Savannah, Georgia, the couple focused on individual career and academic pursuits. The wife pursued her teaching degree and studied abroad, while her husband, a pilot, was immersed in courses, field exercises, and late-night training flights. Their often-opposite schedules meant more time apart, a dynamic that, surprisingly, deepened their appreciation for the moments they did share.
A significant turning point arrived in 2019, following a personal challenge. Facing a crossroads in her desire for motherhood, a teaching career, and a potential Ph.D. program, the wife found herself contemplating a future that also included her husband’s plans for military Physician Assistant school in San Antonio.
Despite the looming prospect of further distance, they committed to making it work. Her acceptance to the University of New Mexico’s History Ph.D. program came just five weeks after the birth of their daughter, solidifying their decision to pursue individual higher education goals even if it meant continued separation.
This marked the beginning of their “part-time marriage in the Southwest,” with summers spent together in San Antonio and semesters apart. The wife embraced solo parenting with the support of her mother-in-law, finding fulfillment in her academic pursuits and reclaiming a part of her identity after becoming a mother.
The couple strategically chose El Paso, Texas, as their next duty station to accommodate the wife’s ongoing studies. For a year, she would drive weekly with their three-year-old daughter to New Mexico for graduate seminars, returning to El Paso two days later to reunite with her husband. This rigorous schedule allowed her to complete her coursework just before the arrival of their second child.
Even with closer proximity in the Southwest, individual needs for personal time and opportunities meant continued periods apart, whether for hunting trips, training courses, or family visits. Each separation, while adding to their time apart, also allowed for personal growth and recharge.
In 2024, facing another nine-month overseas separation, the couple made the bold decision for the wife and children to move to Spain for her dissertation research, while the husband deployed to Poland. Thanks to airline miles, they managed two reunions during that year.
Now back in the same country, the couple is hopeful for a more “full-time” marriage in the coming year, particularly for the benefit of their children. They express immense pride in their collective and individual accomplishments, highlighting their ability to maintain distinct identities and pursue personal goals throughout their unconventional marriage.