Additional Coverage:
- My son moved back in with me after college. I don’t know what role I should play: roommate, friend, or mom. (businessinsider.com)
The Boomerang Kid: Navigating the New Normal of Adult Children Back Home
Local mom Katy M. Clark shares the surprising complexities of life with her college-grad son living under her roof again.
For many parents, the empty nest is a highly anticipated phase of life. But for Katy M. Clark, that nest has recently been reoccupied, and she’s discovering that parenting an adult child living at home comes with a unique set of challenges and unexpected roles.
Clark’s 22-year-old son, a recent college graduate, moved back into his childhood bedroom this spring, bringing with him a whole new dynamic to the household. “Sometimes, I feel like his roommate, and other times I’m acting like his friend,” Clark explains, describing the blurred lines she’s encountering daily.
The confusion started almost immediately. A simple trip to the mechanic for an oil change on her son’s car sparked an unexpected question: “Who’s paying for this?”
Clark, initially surprised, quickly realized the situation wasn’t as straightforward as it seemed. While her son is working full-time, he’s still on the family’s car insurance, a practical arrangement to help him save money.
This seemingly small interaction highlighted a larger theme: the gray areas of financial responsibility and independence when an adult child is back under the parental wing.
Clark describes playing several distinct roles in her son’s life now.
The Roommate: Days can go by without seeing her son, despite living in the same house. “Sometimes all I see is indirect evidence that he lives here, like a load of damp laundry abandoned in the dryer or snacks that disappear from the pantry with alarming speed,” she shares.
The Peer: There are moments when the dynamic shifts to that of adults catching up, swapping stories about work, or discussing current events. Clark enjoys this aspect, noting that her husband has even added their son to his trivia night team, treating him as “just another teammate.”
The Parent: Despite the adult-to-adult interactions, the familiar “full-on parenting mode” still creeps in. Clark finds herself nagging him about doctor’s appointments and even buying him toothpaste.
The question of “what’s for dinner?” can now trigger an “existential crisis” for Clark, who feels she’s “paid her dues” after two decades of nightly meal preparation. Hearing a friend describe eating over the sink now that her children are grown makes Clark ponder the next phase of her own life and the liberation that comes with no longer having to cook for a family.
While living with her “happy-go-lucky” son isn’t difficult, Clark admits she’s still “finding her footing” in this new arrangement. She recognizes that this stage is temporary and that once she fully adapts, her son will likely be ready to move out. “Then I’ll miss him, our chats over dinner, watching him grow into the man he’s becoming, and even the damp load of laundry abandoned in the dryer,” she reflects, acknowledging the bittersweet nature of this evolving family dynamic.