Additional Coverage:
- I’m the primary caregiver for my mother-in-law. She’s 102, and putting her into a nursing home nearly broke me. (businessinsider.com)
Local Caregiver Faces Heartbreaking Dilemma: 102-Year-Old Mother-in-Law Resists Nursing Home Placement
Alison Pena, a local woman who has served as the primary caregiver for her 102-year-old mother-in-law, Joyce, for years following her husband’s passing, is grappling with an incredibly difficult decision. Despite Joyce’s fervent wish to remain in her own home, a series of concerning falls forced Pena to move her into a nursing facility, a decision that is proving heartbreaking for both women.
For nine years, Pena has diligently balanced her caregiving responsibilities with a full-time job. A cherished ritual between them was their regular trips for manicures – a chance for Joyce to be pampered and for the two to connect, especially important as Joyce’s nails would grow quickly and scratch her delicate skin.
The turning point came earlier this year when Joyce suffered a significant fall, resulting in extensive bruising. Although no bones were broken, the incident underscored the increasing risks of her living alone. While recovering in rehab, Pena was unable to continue their manicure tradition, a small comfort that was sorely missed.
Upon returning home, Pena took steps to make Joyce’s apartment safer, decluttering and installing a bedrail. However, Joyce’s determination to maintain her independence was evident when, the very next day, Pena found her playing the piano, having ingeniously crawled out of bed. Joyce reveled in the freedom of her home, enjoying ice cream and television at her leisure.
This brief reprieve was short-lived. Three weeks after returning home, Joyce experienced another fall, landing her back in the emergency room.
It was during this 15-hour hospital stay that Pena made the agonizing choice to move Joyce into a nursing home. Through tears, Pena informed Joyce she would not be returning home, a promise she made to herself to keep her safe.
The move was met with strong resistance from Joyce, who, from the ambulance, repeatedly demanded to be taken home. “How could you do this to me?” she asked Pena, a question that brought silent tears and a cold handclasp.
Now, in the nursing home, Joyce’s world has undeniably shrunk. She frequently asks when she will be released and largely withdraws, sleeping often and rarely participating in activities.
Even her beloved piano downstairs remains untouched. Outdoors, she sits slumped in her wheelchair, head down.
Despite the profound sadness, Pena continues to seek moments of connection and joy. She celebrated Joyce’s 102nd birthday with cupcakes and friends.
The one ritual that still brings a glimmer of happiness is when Pena meticulously does Joyce’s nails, complete with warm soapy water and a careful trimming and smoothing. This loving act, where Joyce still guides the process, remains a precious bond.
As Joyce clings to life and expresses fear of the unknown, Pena holds her hand, finding solace in their shared love, the only certainty in this difficult new chapter.