Additional Coverage:
- My family moved to a small town 8 years ago. It’s been mostly great, but it’s been hard to make friends as an adult. (businessinsider.com)
The Quiet Search for Connection: Navigating Friendship in a Small Town
Moving to a picturesque small town can offer a serene escape from the urban hustle, but as one resident of Nelson, British Columbia, discovered, the idyllic scenery doesn’t always translate into an instant social circle. Since relocating from Calgary in 2017, the author and his wife have embraced the slower pace of life, but the challenge of forging new adult friendships has been a significant, and often isolating, experience.
The move to Nelson, a town of 11,000 nestled in the mountains, was driven by a desire for more nature and a freer upbringing for their children. However, the couple quickly realized that while the landscape delivered, replacing the deep connections they left behind was far more difficult than anticipated.
Small Town, Big Loneliness
Nelson’s charm is undeniable, with mountains rising from the lake and a community where smiles are exchanged easily. Yet, this surface-level friendliness doesn’t always translate into genuine, lasting friendships.
In Calgary, their lives were rich with established relationships, dinners with friends, and weekend gatherings. In Nelson, the initial expectation of replicating that social fabric was met with “a lot of surface-level friendliness but very little follow-through.”
As their children have grown older, the natural social opportunities that came with playdates and school events have diminished, highlighting the deliberate effort required for adult friendships.
Remote Work: An Amplifier of Isolation
For the author, who splits his time between freelance writing and architectural consulting from home, the remote work setup, while offering flexibility, further exacerbates the social void. The organic connections formed in an office environment through casual conversations and shared experiences are absent, leaving a daily routine often devoid of adult interaction beyond his immediate family. This isolation, he notes, brings a particular kind of loneliness – the absence of that “special kind of friend who doesn’t need context.”
Redefining Friendship in a New Chapter
The journey to building new friendships has been a lesson in intentionality. Unlike the built-in social structures of earlier life stages, adult friendships in a small town demand proactivity, a challenge for an introvert working from home.
It took a year or two before a genuine connection was made through a gym acquaintance who invited him to a running group. Joining a band with another parent further expanded his nascent social circle. These experiences have underscored that friendship in Nelson is a slow burn, built on consistency and a willingness to step outside one’s comfort zone.
While old friendships from Calgary are maintained through texts and occasional visits, the new connections forged in Nelson are rooted in this current chapter of life. The author’s experience in this small town has reframed his understanding of friendship, emphasizing quality over quantity. For now, a small handful of meaningful connections is enough to make this chapter feel less solitary.