Additional Coverage:
- My son died in a ski accident at age 9. He is still part of our holiday traditions. (businessinsider.com)
Navigating Holiday Grief: How One Mother Honors Her Son’s Memory
The holiday season, often a time of joy and togetherness, can be profoundly challenging for those navigating the loss of a loved one. For one local mother, whose son William tragically died in a ski accident in 2019 at the age of nine, the holidays have become a testament to enduring love and the complex nature of grief.
In the immediate aftermath of William’s passing, the thought of traditional holiday celebrations felt unbearable. “I couldn’t imagine displaying all the nutcrackers we had collected together,” she shared, recalling her apprehension about facing family gatherings and the well-intentioned, yet often overwhelming, sympathy of others. “I was petrified of being watched, being whispered about, and being pitied.”
That first Christmas, the family chose a different path. They escaped to San Francisco, William’s birthplace, and then to a quiet house by the ocean.
There were no decorations, no guests, just “permission to be sad.” This act of self-preservation, she emphasizes, is crucial for those experiencing profound loss.
“Their need to change things isn’t a rejection of family or love. It’s self-preservation.
Offer them the space and grace to do what they need to survive.”
Keeping Memories Alive
In the years since, the family has gradually returned to many of their past traditions, though the holidays will always carry a different resonance. William remains an integral part of their celebrations. A place is set for him at the Thanksgiving table, his stocking hangs alongside his brothers’, and his name is spoken aloud, candles lit in his honor.
For those attending gatherings with grieving individuals, she offers a powerful piece of advice: “Avoid avoiding the subject. Speak their name and bring them into the room.
Silence is so much worse than almost anything you could say.” She encourages pushing past personal discomfort and engaging with questions like, “What was their favorite holiday treat?”
or “What did they love about this season?” For the bereaved, “We ache to tell these stories.
Our loved ones aren’t secrets to be put away during the holidays. They are part of what makes these days so special.”
Finding Solace in Service
Beyond personal traditions, the act of giving back has become a significant source of comfort. William’s birthday falls just before Christmas, and in the first year after his death, the family organized a toy drive.
Friends, who would have typically given William a present, donated gifts for children in need. “Dropping off bags of toys for those kids filled my heart in a way nothing else did that season,” she recounted.
She urges others facing holiday emptiness to consider acts of service, whether volunteering at a food pantry, organizing a coat drive, or simply baking cookies for neighbors. “The simple act of showing up for others can profoundly heal your heart.”
The Coexistence of Joy and Sorrow
A common misconception, she notes, is that laughter after loss signifies “moving on.” Instead, she asserts, “laughter doesn’t mean you’ve moved on.
It means you’re human.” Joy and sorrow, she believes, can coexist.
“You can cry over the casserole that doesn’t quite taste like mom used to make, and then laugh, remembering how she always spilled something on her new dress. You can miss the person who’s gone and still share joy with those who remain.”
The holidays, for this mother, will always hold both the ache of missing William and the beauty of remembering him with her living children. She encourages others with an empty chair at their table to allow it to hold meaning.
“Let it be a symbol of enduring love, of a connection that time can’t erase. Light a candle, say their name, share their story.”
Read More About This Story:
- My son died in a ski accident at age 9. He is still part of our holiday traditions. (businessinsider.com)