(KMDL-FM) It’s an age-old conundrum: you’re about to take your seat in a theater. Your seats are in the middle of the row, so you’re going to have to pass by several people who have already gotten comfortable in their chairs. You need to pass by them on your way to your seat. Which way should you face?
Unless you’ve been genetically blessed like Lainey Wilson or Kellie Pickler, chances are no one really cares to have an up close and personal moment with your buttocks. But then again, the opposite of that, the front of your lower torso, isn’t much of an upgrade either.
So, which is the proper way to traverse a row of theater seats so that you don’t offend anyone or give them a show they’d have to pay extra for on an OnlyFans account?
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What is Proper Etiquette for Traversing a Row of Theater Seats?
This is where etiquette comes in. Etiquette, according to the dictionary, is defined as the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group. So, in the case of “see my butt or see my crotch,” we want to do what the other theatergoers do.
Here is where it gets interesting, as if butts and crotches aren’t riveting copy for your avoiding work reading. With two choices in the matter, naturally, there are two schools of thought, and the location of the theater you’re attending will determine whether seated guests get a view of your zipper or your back pocket.
What is Proper Theater Seat Etiquette in Europe?
In European theaters, it is customary for male attendees to face the back of the theater when entering a row of seats. This would put seated guests at eye level with your crotch. Women, in European theaters, should face toward the stage. This means their backsides are in the eyes of the beholders as they pass.
What is Proper Theater Seat Etiquette in the United States?
In American theaters, the customary entry methods are reversed. The assumption being that ladies need a little more room around their backsides and men, well, men have larger feet, so those feet need to slide under the seats in front to avoid stepping on the toes of the seated. I bet you were waiting on a crotch reference, weren’t you?
Some people, Chatty Cathys are what I call them, like to talk to you as they pass by. That way, they can shuck and jive and twist and shout and give some people the front, some people the back, and others get to just how wide those hips really are…