I read a lot of historical fiction, and one thing that always catches my attention is how courtship and marriage have changed over time. The way people once found a spouse and celebrated a wedding looked very different from what we’re used to today. Privacy wasn’t as important as reputation, therefore relationships often unfolded in full view of family and neighbors or some other chaperone who kept the couple honest and kept conversation the focus of meetings. Weddings themselves were simple by necessity. They were less about spectacle and far more about the couple and the community around them.
Somewhere along the way, weddings shifted. What was once practical and deeply communal has, over time, become more bride-focused, more elaborate and often far more expensive. Looking back at old Arkansas and Southern courtship traditions reminds us that it wasn’t always this way. From box suppers and quilting bees to infare dinners and front-porch courting, these customs offer a glimpse into a time when love was celebrated with shared work, shared meals and shared joy.
Box Suppers
Box suppers (sometimes called pie suppers or box socials) were hugely popular social gatherings across rural Arkansas in the late 1800s through the mid-1900s. The concept was simple and sweet. Local girls and women hoping to find a husband would pack a home-cooked meal for two into a decorated box. These boxes were then auctioned off to the crowd of bachelors, with each man bidding for the pleasure of sharing that meal with the mystery cook. It was all for a good cause, with the money going toward the local school or a family in need, but it was also an evening of lighthearted competition and courtship. For many young people, a box supper was as much about catching someone’s eye as it was about charity. The whole community turned out to laugh, cheer on the bidding wars, play little games and enjoy a night out.
Bundling Boards
Before cars and telephones, young men would often travel miles to visit their sweetheart, and it was often more practical to stay the night with the family. Rarely was there an extra bedroom, so to keep things proper, the couple was sometimes allowed to share a bed. Of course, they were fully clothed, with a wooden bundling board placed lengthwise between them. Most often they were also in the room with other family members. The board, or sometimes a sewn fabric divider, prevented physical contact while still allowing the pair to talk and get to know one another. The custom faded by the late 1800s, so bundling may sound strange today, although it made practical sense in the Ozarks long ago. Bundling offered a balance between modesty and connection at a time when space was limited and supervision mattered.
Wedding Quilts
Every southern bride once knew the importance of a wedding quilt, and it was about far more than staying warm. Store-bought bedding was a luxury that many couldn’t afford, and handmade quilts were a key part of a young woman’s hope chest. Many girls spent years piecing quilts from scraps of old dresses, feed sacks and other bits of cloth. The wedding quilt she spent years preparing would be carried into her new home. Before the wedding, family and neighbors would host a quilting bee to celebrate the bride and work together to finish the quilt. Popular patterns, including the Double Wedding Ring, reflected marriage itself and the joining of two lives. The newlyweds slept beneath a quilt stitched by many hands, wrapped in the care of their community. These quilts were made to last, becoming heirlooms passed down through generations. Even today, a handpieced wedding quilt remains one of the most meaningful gifts.
Public Domain – Library of Congress
Infare Dinners
After the wedding, many Arkansas couples took part in an infare dinner, a celebration typically hosted by the groom’s family. The word infare comes from an old term meaning “to enter,” and it marked the bride’s welcome into her new household. Infare dinners included a hearty meal and, of course, a dessert of homemade pies and cakes prepared by friends and neighbors. After eating, the house filled with music, laughter and dancing late into the night. In many ways, the infare was the forerunner of today’s wedding reception. It gave the community a chance to celebrate the marriage and the unity of the two families.
Public Domain
More Courtship Traditions
Another common tradition was front-porch courting. Young couples spent time together sitting on the porch, often with family members nearby. The porch offered fresh air, a bit of privacy and built-in supervision. This was where couples talked, told stories and got to know one another long before dating meant going out alone.
Church socials and singings were another major way young people met. Sunday services, revival meetings, hymn singings and church suppers created natural opportunities for courtship. Sitting together in church or singing together was considered wholesome and respectable. If a young man walked a girl home after church, it was often seen as a clear sign of interest…