Tired of reading horoscopes that say things like “You’ll meet a mysterious stranger” when you know darn well you’re just meeting the same three dudes from high school over and over again at United? Same. Here’s a no-nonsense, weather-beaten, dust-approved guide to what the stars really have in store for you this week in West Texas.
♈ Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You’ll impulsively start a home project and then realize you need 4 more trips to Lowe’s. The wind will scatter your receipts across the neighborhood, symbolizing your financial instability. Lucky snack: Beef jerky from Allsup’s.
♉ Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You crave…..