Disclaimer: This satire article is for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken seriously.
NASHVILLE, TN – In an unprecedented move that has left guitar strings quivering across the state, Tennessee lawmakers have introduced a bill to ban country music statewide, citing concerns over “excessive twang” and “uncontrollable toe-tapping.”
The bill, officially known as the “No Twang Left Behind Act,” has sent shockwaves through the heart of Nashville, the world-renowned capital of country music. According to the bill’s sponsors, the legislation aims to “preserve public sanity from the relentless catchiness of country tunes.”
“We just can’t take it anymore,” said State Senator Buck Howdy, while unsuccessfully trying to resist the urge to hum along to a Dolly Parton classic. “Everywhere you go, there’s a song about trucks, heartbreak, or a dog. It’s high time we diversify our state’s musical portfolio.”
Local bars and honky-tonks have been up in arms over the proposal, with many owners threatening to replace their jukeboxes with silent film-era pianos. “What’s next, outlawing cowboy boots and hats?” exclaimed a local barfly, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of retribution from the Bluegrass Police, a new enforcement unit proposed in the bill.