This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
In a groundbreaking and terrifying discovery, the Tulane University School of Science and Engineering has unveiled a new hybrid disease: a terrifying combination of the notorious frat flu and sexually transmitted diseases. The illness, which has been dubbed the “FF-STD,” was discovered during an exhaustive study into the hidden world of Greek life — a realm known for its drunken debauchery, questionable hygiene and an impressive collection of red solo cups.
“We thought we had seen it all,” John Doctor, head of the department of frat sciences, said. “But this, this is a whole new beast. It’s not just a flu. It’s not just an STD. It’s both. Together. In one unholy union.”
For the uninitiated, the frat flu has plagued campuses across the nation, often emerging in the aftermath of the infamous “social event” that promises free beer, loud music and an alarmingly high risk of exposure to airborne pathogens. Meanwhile, STDs — often exchanged like party favors at Greek houses — have remained a common, albeit less shocking, part of campus life. But the FF-STD is something different. It’s the monstrous offspring of these two highly contagious conditions, and it’s here to ruin your weekend…