Monday, July 22, 2019
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35 Yearbook Quotes That Are Worthy Of The Honor Roll

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High school is funny in a way that a lot of RPGs are funny. You level up your characters by fighting enemies in these small areas for hours and hours to beat this big bad, boss. Then, once that’s done, you go out into another area of the game that eventually leads you to the World Map and you realize, “Wow, this game is a heck of a lot bigger than I imagined.”

That’s what high school was like for me: everything seems like such a big deal and then, once you get to college and start working multiple part-time jobs to save money, you realize that all of the stuff you dealt with in high school was petty and not worth your time.

Something that these high school seniors figured out before they walked to get their diplomas. I mean, why else would the treat the “sanctity of the yearbook” with such irreverence?

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Why indeed?

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The name struggle is real.

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Good to know, kid.

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Jacob, I like where your head is at.

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You’ve got a point.

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All caps for emphasis.

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“Unknown.”

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The boldest of claims.

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Bri will never live that theft down.

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This is just brilliant.

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So sweet.

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I should start rocking a turban.

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You can just get it legally changed, you know…

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It’s why I go dumpster diving in Alpine.

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But…that’s not a change at all.

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A self aware man.

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Ohoo! I love Easter Eggs…oh….

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The conspiracy theory thickens…

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Am alive, can confirm.

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It sets the mood.

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It be like that sometimes.

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Oh yes he did.

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Thanks for putting that on the record.

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Same, same, same.

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This man knows what he’s talking about.

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The truth is out.

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Don’t we all, Joseph?

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My head hurts, man.

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Thanks for clearing that up, siblings.

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Can’t get roasted with the thing you roast yourself with.

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*Slow clap*.

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I know how it feels, bro.

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Roll call must’ve been interesting.

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#Twinning.

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That thought haunts me, constantly.

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I wish I was as cool as these kids in high school.

35 Hilarious Pictures To Show The Difference Between Irony And Coincidence

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There’s a fine line between irony and coincidence, something that wasn’t really clarified in Alanis Morisette’s 1995 hit, “Ironic.” A lot of the song’s lyrics are referencing things that are unhappy coincidences and not really ironic circumstances.

So what’s the difference? Well, in order for something to be ironic, it is when someone says something or something happens where the underlying meaning is the opposite of the literal meaning.

In order to further clarify, we’ll take a look at some of these hilarious examples and go through each one to clarify if one is ironic or just a coincidence.

Hotel Lifts 17-Year Ban On ‘Worst Guest Ever’ After Horrifying Seagull Incident

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When you think of the people who get banned from hotels, you probably start picturing rock stars from the ’70s who can’t help but throw TV sets out of windows.

And normally, you’d be totally right. There are plenty of examples in history of celebrities being outlawed from staying at hotel chains because of their wild behavior in the rooms.

And while rock stars and celebs might treat their hotel rooms with an amplified reckless abandon that most people have when they’re on vacation, there are some situations where a room getting trashed is an honest-to-goodness mistake.

Something that Nick Burchill explained in a letter to the Fairmont Empress Hotel, apologizing for a series of unfortunate events involving seagulls, pepperoni, and feces, that occurred 17 years ago while he was attending a conference. The incident resulted in Burchill getting banned from the Empress, a decision he appealed in his letter. 

And Nick did show up with the pepperoni in hand, as a peace offering for the hotel staff to let him return to the hotel.

All’s well that ends well for Nick, however, his honest, disgusting, and hilarious letter ultimately got his ban lifted from the Fairmont Empress hotel.

His story was shared over 3,000 times and people were tickled pink by Nick’s worst day ever.

Others pointed out that this is probably the best commercial the Fairmont Empress could’ve asked for.

But it did cost them a room covered in seagull excrement, feathers, and vomited pepperoni. Ugh.

26 Puppers So Happy You Can’t Help But Smile

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Dogs are nature’s enthusiasts. Seeing them happily wagging their tails and lolling their tongues is scientifically proven to make you happier, proving that they’re kind of magical.

So if you’re having a rough day, or you just love puppers (who doesn’t?), take a gander at these smiley doggos to instantly make you feel better.

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Best. Airline. Ever.

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This is a stick up, give us all your bones. And affection.

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We tried to keep this from you guys…

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He’s a working dog.

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Probably dreaming of treats.

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This dapper dog.

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These dogs making the most out of their school days.

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This photogenic pupper.

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This dog who won’t let a few bee stings get him down.

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This dog that came up with a great Halloween costume.

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This dog who just wants to be your university wingman.

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I would love to.

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This dog who will oblige your joke, even if it’s played out.

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This doggo who wishes you cared more about his snaps.

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This pup who lives for romance.

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This dog who’s really, really sorry.

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This dog who loves their own sense of humor.

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This pup who loves to boop snoots.

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This puppy who’s shrugging off the haters.

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This pupper who’s shivering no more.

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This dog who’s stoked for some deals.

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Another swole boy.

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This amazing little hybrid.

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This sympathetic little guy.

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This dog who wishes autumn wasn’t so messy.

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These dogs who want to make your afterlife the best it can possibly be.

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If only we could be as happy as dogs.

27 Classical Art Memes Just As Awkward As You

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There’s some solace to be found in classical art. Sure there’s the “solace” one gets when you walk through a museum and get all introspective and inspired by the wonderful paintings before you. But I’m talking about real solace.

Something that hits you on a shallow, emotional level – and it’s not the deep, artsy stuff that you read about in some niche digest mag, I’m talking about experiences you can sympathize with on a very base level.

Like how super awkward it is being human.

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Oh God why.

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Ye…yes.

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Some of us have lives, Chet.

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Pitiful.

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“Ummmm, hey, about…that.”

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Here…let me buy you one…?

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*Internally screaming*

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It wasn’t supposed to happen that way…

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BRB.

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Oh my!

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Where’s it from? Sounds beautiful.

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It really hurts.

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If you only knew.

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And how do you spell your name?

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But, I’m right here.

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It shouldn’t bother you, but it does.

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Why can’t I do it in the moment?

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Love me, son.

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What you guys talking about?

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You just don’t know what I’m into, dad!

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Sigh…

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But being a martyr is fun! Right…?

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Should’ve just kept my mouth shut.

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Guess I have to have fun with this feeling.

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A love wall?

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Awkward stares have existed for a very long time.

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I can’t wait!

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Don’t feel bad, people have been feeling weird for centuries.

9-Year-Old Girl Comes Up With Brilliant Comic Captions Every Single Time

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I feel like kids are naturally entertaining and always see the truth of a situation – and they aren’t afraid to go right for it.

If a dinner party is boring, it’s usually not because the kids can’t understand the idiosyncrasies of your conversation about Bed Bath & Beyond’s latest towel sale, it’s because that conversation about towel sales is lame. And a kid will almost always point that out.

Kids really have an instinct for this kind of stuff, as do great comedians. They will exploit everything in their situation and the situation around them to keep themselves entertained, and sadly, a lot of adults train that instinct out of them by having them go in a “proper” direction instead of channeling it. Which is a shame.

But there are some kids who have that creativity and silliness fostered by their parents, or are strong-willed enough to just go ahead and satisfy that need on their own. Whatever the case is with the 9-year-old-niece of professional writer Bess Kalb, there’s no denying the kid’s got some real talent.

Talent that Kalb showed off on Twitter when she snapped some photos of the hilarious captions that little Alice came up with these New Yorker comic contests.

Seriously, these are pretty amazing and if you’ve ever seen New Yorker comics, it’s not hard to imagine any of these not working in the publication.

Just simple, pure, honest-to-goodness, comedy.

I love the idea that there’s a man with supernatural abilities who waits for planes to pass by just to tell pilots this.

Alice has been a huge fan of captioning the comics for a while. She snatches the magazines up before her mom gets a chance to look at them so she can fill them up with jokes.

I mean come on, these are freaking great. And a NINE YEAR OLD WROTE THEM.

When you find a good restaurant, right?

Kalb showed her niece some of the positive reactions people were having to her work – the young girl was thrilled.

She’s so obsessed with figuring out the perfect caption that she asked for a bunch of New Yorker cartoons with their captions whited out so she could fill in her own.

Kalb reiterated just how floored she was by her niece’s talent, and plenty of people agreed.

While others pointed out what makes her jokes work so well.

Kalb is already thinking of the title for Alice’s published collection of these masterpieces.

Definitely no better title than that.

Spotify’s ‘Genius Annotations’ Are Painfully Obvious And People Are Cracking Up

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Back before the days of YouTube, people would have to watch music videos on TV, believe it or not.

Now if you wanted to request a video, you’d have to pay a service called TheBox, call it in, and they’d charge your credit car $2 for three music videos or a dollar for one. Otherwise, you’d just watch MTV, BET, or VH1.

VH1 would play older songs a lot of the time, which didn’t make it too popular with the younger crowd, but I personally loved it because of one program: pop-up video.

The show wasn’t anything special: they’d play popular music videos and little infographics with factoids about the artist, the video shoot, or the song, would appear on-screen. It made watching the videos a little more interesting, and helped to get more mileage out of played-out tracks.

So when I first saw the “Genius” annotations on Spotify, I was immediately brought back to my pop-up video days and a smile crept up on my face. Pretty soon though, I was smiling for a different reason. Because a lot of the annotations were unintentionally hilarious.

Like, thanks for the memo, Spotify.

People can’t believe that there are teams of people out there who are writing copy for these song annotations.

Because aside from being blatantly obvious, many of them are so unnecessary.

And you can tell when you’ve got a different writer. Clearly this person has a much higher standard when it comes to being being a granular, grammar nerd.

Like this religious-themed, deep read into some of Drake’s lyrics in “Passionfruit.”

Other writers don’t care that much for the Toronto-born rapper.

Some of the annotations get “deep emo” out of nowhere – and people are delightfully confused.

There are just little comic gems wherever you look.

People can’t get over how savage they are too.

Some of the factoids are just there to blow up artist’s spot.

Looks like the P-I-M-P 50 Cent critic is back at it again.

There’s even anime-meme reference facts. What won’t the genius annotations randomly talk about?

There’s never a dull moment.

Ahh, just like the good old days of “pop-up video,” but somehow, even more amusing.

Girl’s 12-Year-Old Sister Pranked Her Into Oblivion With This Gag ‘Welcome Home’ Sign

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There are few pleasures that are more gratifying than pranking the heck out of a member of your family.

The pride one gets when you see the look of shock that comes from a good gag is second to none.

And because you’re related, there aren’t many people in the world capable of pranking a family member better than you can. You know their deepest, darkest secrets so you can get them on a real personal level.

But you also know that no matter how far you go, at the end of the day you’re family and although you might annoy them royally, there’s a good chance they’re going to forgive you. Which is probably what this Twitter user’s 12-year-old sister was banking on when she crafted this “welcome back” sign for her sister when she returned from a school trip.

No, the school trip wasn’t to a rehab clinic, her younger sister is just that evil. Imagine walking through the airport and seeing photos of you with your name, in front of all your friends, congratulating you on getting through rehab.

Now if a gag like this was pulled back in the days before the internet and social media, you’d think to yourself, hey, no harm, no foul, no big deal. It would begin and end in that airport and maybe live on at family dinners and holidays throughout the years. 

But that wasn’t the case for Poor Alexa.

Some people couldn’t bear the thought of ever being pranked like that.

While others loved the prank.

There were a lot of commenters on the thread, however, who didn’t think that addiction was a laughing matter.

But then, plenty of recovering addicts chimed in, saying that they found the sign hilarious.

In fact, the post had those affected by substance abuse start a conversation about normalizing the topic of addiction and addressing it in such a healthy and open manner.

The argument was that the more people talked about it, the easier it would be to address it. So crying “shame” against those making a joke was, to them, counterproductive.

The harmless prank from Alexa’s sister that went viral ended up taking a sensitive topic and starting a constructive conversation on it.

So in a way, pranks could help make the world a better place.

This Guy Posted A Hilarious Warning As To Why Tasing Yourself Is A Bad Idea

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I’ve never been tasered. Nor do I have any desire to be.

But for some reason, people willingly do it.

Now I get if you’re doing it because you’re trying to work in the military or law enforcement, but to just try it out for the heck of it seems kind of insane to me.

But let’s say you wanted to see what a shock would feel like, a tiny one, to gauge how you would react. I might be persuaded to be shocked a little bit if someone had a gag pen or one of those old school handshake shockers you always saw in the cartoons.

But after reading Facebook user Tony Welch’s experience with a pocket taser that ran on AAA batteries he purchased for his wife, I don’t think I’d be up for even that.

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The guy’s story starts out innocuously enough. He wanted to make sure the taser worked, so he tested it on some metal surfaces first.

Maybe not something I would do, but the guy wasn’t hurting himself, yet.

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He needed to make sure that this thing would be powerful enough to ward off an attacker, should his wife ever be in such a dire situation.

So what was Mr. Welch to do?

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Despite reading the warning label his newly purchased self-defense weapon came packaged with, Welch wasn’t convinced that the tiny thing was capable of putting the fear of God in anyone.

So he ultimately decided to test it on himself.

To call it a bad idea would be an understatement.

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Welch pointed out a huge problem with tasering yourself: the muscle spasms induced by the shock makes it impossible to let go of the device. So tasering yourself for “just a bit” is almost impossible.

You end up shocking yourself for as long as it takes your body to involuntarily knock the thing out of your hand. Something Welch learned the hard way.

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What ensued in his bout of spastic madness was equal parts scary and hilarious.

Plus, his nipples pretty much caught fire.

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Welch used the traumatic episode as a lighthearted warning to others about the dangers of tasing yourself.

And it’s also pretty great that his wife now has an inside joke she can share with her husband. What a great relationship where you can regularly tease someone with a loving threat of electrocution.

This guy tested a $10 one off Amazon on himself. While his arm was in a sling for good measure.

In case you wanted to see what it’s like getting tasered in slow motion, then check this out.

I’m just hoping that watching people get tasered keeps you from doing it to yourself, so please, get stuck in a YouTube hole!

22 Hilarious Memes To Come Out Of The Zuckerberg Hearing

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If you watched The Social Network, then you’ll know that one of the early uses of Facebook was as a  platform for measuring the attractiveness of other people.

It then spawned into a cultural phenomenon where pretty much everyone uses it, whether for networking, staying in touch with family, or connecting with internet communities, all for free. 

The problem with free services is that, like most free things, it isn’t exactly free. While Zuckerberg explains that Facebook doesn’t directly sell your data to advertisers, Facebook uses the information users provide to target ads to specific audiences. Once advertisers tell Facebook the sort of user they want to target, Facebook can place the ads on accounts that are the right fit.

The implications of this data use are being thoroughly covered, so there are plenty of places you can check out the nitty gritty details that may teach you some things you didn’t know about the way Facebook works. 

Even better than that, though, are the jokes and memes to come out of the hearing.

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A lot of them focused on how Zuck seemingly doesn’t have human emotions.

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Here’s a candid shot of Zuck charging himself.

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Sure, there are some people who think he’s a lizard person.

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But the general consensus is that he is a cyborg.

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You have to admit the way he drinks water is kind of weird.

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That’s another take on the hearing.

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Whoops.

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I don’t know why this is so funny it just is.

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Zuck’s parody FB account always delivers.

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Going before Congress isn’t fun.

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The guy behind Zuck is so confused.

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HUMAN EMOTIONS ARE INHERENTLY FLAWED.

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Initiate humanizing expression.

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His mind has been integrated with Facebook servers.

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I’m always down for a solid Cruz-Zodiac joke.

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Is this what he looks like when you wear the special sunglasses?

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Ha ha…

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Then the meme lines began to blur even more.

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Others weren’t memes at all, but actual lines from the hearing.

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Some people got creative with audio/visual editing.

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Gotta love Facebook Live.

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And some of the memes weren’t even about Zuck himself.

If you want to see the entire hearing, that people are calling a disaster by the way, you can watch it here.