I was driving down I-79 towards the airport recently, when I spotted an electronic billboard that said, “Escape the City Chaos” next to a picture of a new housing plan.
I thought, “Wow, I really would like to escape the chaos of urban life!”
For example, in my densely populated city neighborhood, I have seen:
- A passel of fluffy bunnies squatting in my front bushes. They don’t pay rent and won’t leave.
- Kids shooting basketballs through a Nerf hoop on their front porch across the street. What’s next, machine guns?
- A family of deer wandering down the middle of the street like they own the place. Maybe they do?
- An escaped parakeet joined a gang of sparrows, terrorizing the neighborhood (with warbles, chirps, and occasional squawks).
- Raucous crowds at Little League & PONY League baseball. Their roars waft up the hill from the ballfield almost every night in the summer. It sounds like cheering, but what if it’s rage?
- The weird new restaurant up the street is selling what? Donburi bowls? Bulgogi hoagies? Unfamiliar dishes are terrifying!
- We hit Wiffle balls out back into neighbors’ yards and sometimes we never see them again. Where do they go?
So, basically, my daily journey through this urban hellscape is like a combination of Dawn of the Dead and Escape From New York, without the synthesizer soundtrack…