Portland Replaces 911 With AI That Soothes Callers by Saying “That Must Have Been Scary” On Repeat

PORTLAND, OR — In a groundbreaking move hailed by city leaders as a “compassion-centered innovation,” Portland has officially replaced its overwhelmed 911 emergency response system with a calming AI assistant programmed to repeatedly say, “That must have been scary.”

The change comes after years of public frustration over Portland’s notoriously slow—or entirely absent—911 response times. According to officials, the new system directly addresses those concerns by focusing less on “intervention” and more on “emotional processing.”

“We heard the people of Portland,” said Mayor Keith Wilson during Tuesday’s press conference. “They told us they didn’t just want help—they wanted to feel seen. This AI sees them. It doesn’t send anyone, but it absolutely sees them.”…

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