I’ve never liked numbers, probably because they remind me of how random my life has been. As an example, by the time I was thirty I had attended three different colleges and held thirty different jobs. By the time I was seventy I had been married five times, and coincidentally they all had the same first name…Plaintiff.
As a morning radio announcer on Maui I was invited to occasional one-year-old birthday parties, and at one of those parties I delivered a particularly long-winded celebratory speech before asking, “So where is our birthday boy?!” Whereupon a toothless octogenarian walked up to me, gave me a hug, and accepted my gift of diapers. I was at the wrong party, and not the first time either…
In my twenty years in radio I wrote and produced over one thousand commercials, most of them bad. I remember the owner of the first Mexican restaurant on Maui coming to me with his concern, “I’m worried the locals might wrongly assume that our food is too spicy.” I assured the gentleman I would assuage that fear, and I did, with one fateful line, “Our food is not too hot!” They were out of business in a week, and my advertising agency, “McAvoy Layne and Associates” was right behind them. (We never had any associates.)…