One morning last summer, I woke up with a familiar pain—immense tension that emanated from my neck and wrapped tightly around my head and over my eyebrows like a vise. I’d slept in the wrong position again, apparently. But I’d had days like this for almost 20 years. I could handle it. As a stay-at-home mom with three young children, what choice did I have? I spent most of the day lying on the floor, apologizing to my kids for not being present with them. It was the worst pain I’d felt in my life. Only then did I decide I had to fix it.
I’d tried many things over the years to ease my pain. Stretches. Physical therapy. Dry needling. Chiropractic care. Attempting to emulate Marilyn Monroe’s immaculate posture. Sometimes I’d feel fine for months, but it always came back. Why should I spend time and money trying to fix something so intermittent? I could just deal with it. Until I couldn’t.
Society’s Complicity
Dr. Cody Tidwell, an anesthesiologist and pain management specialist with M Health Fairview, says my path to treatment is far from unique. Tidwell is also an assistant professor with the University of Minnesota Medical School. “Very commonly, and disproportionately compared to men, women will say, ‘Yeah, I’ve had this pain for years, but I was taking care of my family.’ And the sole reason they come in is the pain is now so bad that they can no longer help their family.”
Nurse practitioner Christina Wiekamp, who specializes in treatment of chronic pain at M Health Fairview, agrees that societal expectations play a major role. “As women, we are expected to do it all…and I think that extends to pain, that we’re expected just to deal.” This pressure—to tend to others’ needs first—makes it harder to prioritize our own health…