In a controversial move that has left caffeine addicts trembling, California legislators have proposed a statewide ban on morning office coffee, citing productivity studies and environmental concerns. The bill, known as “The Clear Headed Start Act”, aims to replace traditional morning coffee routines with organic green tea and meditation sessions.
The act, proposed by assembly member Juan Valdez, suggests that the ban will boost productivity by reducing the time employees spend waiting for their coffee to brew, not to mention the time lost in inevitable coffee-related chit-chat. “It’s all about efficiency,” says Valdez, while sipping on a steaming cup of herbal tea. “Imagine a world where meetings start on time because no one is waiting for their latte to cool down.”
Environmental groups have praised the bill, noting the positive impact on reducing the use of single-use coffee cups and plastic lids. However, office workers across the state have expressed outrage and disbelief. “How am I supposed to get through my inbox without my morning cup of Joe?” laments Sarah, a software engineer from Silicon Valley.