Disclaimer: This satire article is for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken seriously.
In an unprecedented move, Florida’s state legislature is reportedly considering a bill to ban the sale of Doritos, Cheetos, and other similar cheesy snacks. The bill, humorously referred to as “The Great Cheese Dust Prohibition of 2024,” aims to tackle what one legislator calls “the silent orange scourge of our times.”
The bill’s sponsor, Representative Cheddar N. Blue, has been vocal about the health risks associated with these snacks. “It’s not just the high calorie count,” Blue stated in a press conference, “It’s the cheese dust! It gets everywhere – on your fingers, your clothes, even your pets. We’ve had enough of this cheesy menace.”
Critics of the bill argue that it infringes on personal freedoms and the sacred American right to snack as one pleases. “Next thing you know, they’ll be coming for our pizza and nachos,” lamented local snack enthusiast Cris P. Bacon.
In response to these criticisms, the bill proposes a state-funded program to help Floridians cope with the loss of their beloved snacks. This includes a 24-hour helpline for those struggling with cheese dust withdrawal and public awareness campaigns on healthier snacking alternatives, like kale chips and unsalted nuts.