Disclaimer: The following article is a work of satire and is not intended to be taken as factual news.
In a surprising twist that has left many scratching their heads, the Georgia State Legislature is reportedly considering a bill to ban divorces outright. The bill, which is already being referred to as the “Love Lockdown Act,” proposes an innovative solution to the rising divorce rates: simply make it illegal.
The sponsor of the bill, Senator Ima Commitment, stated in a recent press conference, “Why stop at ’till death do us part?’ Why not ’till eternity?’ That’s our motto. If you can’t solve a problem, legislate it out of existence!”
Under this groundbreaking legislation, couples seeking to untie the knot will instead have to attend mandatory “Marriage Revitalization Retreats” hosted in the scenic Blue Ridge Mountains. These retreats, rumored to include couple’s yoga, trust falls, and an endless loop of Barry White classics, aim to rekindle the fading sparks of marital bliss.
The bill also introduces the concept of “Marriage Licenses 2.0.” Much like a driver’s license, these upgraded marriage licenses will require renewal every year, complete with a written test on your spouse’s favorite things and an eye exam to ensure you can still see the love in each other’s eyes.