Disclaimer: The following article is a work of satire and is not intended to be taken as factual news.
RALEIGH, NC – In a bold move that has linguists and dialect coaches scratching their heads, North Carolina has reportedly passed a controversial new law: the ‘Proper Pronunciation Act of 2024’, targeting anyone who dares mispronounce the word ‘Appalachian’. Effective immediately, offenders caught saying “Appa-LAY-shun” instead of the locally accepted “Appa-LATCH-an” will face steep fines and mandatory language sensitivity training.
The bill, which passed with overwhelming support in the state legislature, was introduced by a lawmaker who, after a lifetime of cringing at the mispronunciation, decided it was time for legislative action. “It’s not just a mountain range, it’s a cultural identity,” said the lawmaker in a press conference. He insisted that the law is in the best interest of preserving North Carolina’s rich heritage, despite critics labeling it as ‘linguistic overreach’.
Enforcement has already begun, with ‘Pronunciation Patrols’ stationed at key entry points to the state, including airports, bus stations, and popular tourist destinations near the Appalachian Trail. Visitors are greeted with brochures and a brief phonetics lesson upon arrival. Repeat offenders face the possibility of being banned from all hiking trails in the state.