The following piece is satire and should not be misconstrued as actual reporting. Any resemblance to a student, staff or faculty member is coincidental.
American University announced plans on Monday to install a 5-foot bronze spotted lanternfly memorial in the middle of the Eric A. Friedheim Quadrangle. This comes after multiple months of wacking, smacking and stomping the insects.
The Seagle reached out to the University for comment: “American University recognizes that, although we may not agree with their invasive conduct or their catastrophic environmental impact, we do believe that no creature deserves to have their exoskeletons shattered, smooshed or squashed — no matter their truly impressive ability to land directly in front of you while you’re walking, like, right there,” University representative Benji Freedadingle said…