Florida—land of endless sunshine, questionable headlines, and residents who casually dodge hurricanes and alligators like it’s no big deal. When “cold” means anything below 70 degrees, and Publix subs inspire fierce devotion, you’ve officially crossed into peak Floridian territory. If these 11 realities feel totally normal, congrats—you’re fully Florida-certified.
Table of Contents
You’re Genuinely Annoyed by Tourists Blocking Traffic
Yes, beaches are exciting—but some of us have places to be!
The Term “Florida Man” Doesn’t Shock You
You’ve either met him or know someone who has.
Flip-Flops Are Year-Round Footwear
Closed-toe shoes? Sounds suspiciously northern.
Publix Subs Are Basically a Religion
If you haven’t passionately defended your Pub Sub order, are you really a Floridian?
Hurricanes Prompt More Parties Than Panic
“Category 3? Better stock up on beer and chips!”
You’ve Mastered the Art of Alligator Avoidance
Seeing a gator strolling casually across the road barely raises your pulse.
You Keep Oven Mitts in Your Car (Just Like Arizona, but Stickier)
Leather seats plus humidity equals daily torture.
Cold Weather Means Anything Below 70 Degrees
You proudly break out sweaters at 68—and no one can tell you otherwise.
Disney World Fatigue Is Real
“Magic Kingdom again? Maybe let’s just sit by the pool.”
Every Direction Involves “Towards the Beach” or “Away from the Beach”
Because honestly, what else matters?
You’re Unfazed by Random Wildlife Encounters
An iguana fell out of your palm tree? Just another Tuesday…