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- I built a house for my dad with dementia to live in with us. When his health declined, it cost $120,000 to support him. (businessinsider.com)
Michigan Man Shares Challenges of Caring for Father with Dementia
John Nuar, 34, from Canton, Michigan, recounts his experience caring for his father with dementia between 2017 and 2019. Facing numerous obstacles, including limited public transportation and high care costs, Nuar and his wife ultimately paid over $120,000 out of pocket for memory care services.
Nuar, who works in supply chain management for an automotive company, explains that his father began showing early signs of memory loss around 2015. By 2017, due to his father’s increasing needs and mobility issues, Nuar and his wife built a home designed to accommodate him on the first floor, aiming to maintain his independence as much as possible.
However, delays in home construction forced the family into a temporary arrangement that proved difficult for his father, who often became disoriented. Once moved in, the couple managed his medications and daily routine, but challenges quickly emerged.
After a safety incident involving the garage door and the decision to take away his father’s car keys, they found public transit options inadequate. Technology helped somewhat, with cameras and automated door locks, but his father’s wandering remained a serious concern, including one instance where he traveled 15 miles away.
Recognizing the difficulty of providing 24/7 care while working, Nuar explored options such as Medicaid programs but found income limits and state-specific rules restrictive. Nursing homes presented another dilemma: lower-cost facilities had poor ratings, while higher-quality homes lacked Medicaid availability, leading to exorbitant private pay rates.
In 2019, Nuar’s aunt and uncle in Virginia agreed to care for his father, providing a safer environment in a walkable community with professional caregivers. Yet as his condition worsened, home care became impractical, and he was eventually placed in a private memory care facility back in Michigan during the pandemic. Despite some stress and anxiety over his well-being, the facility provided necessary support until his passing in 2024.
Throughout this journey, Nuar and his wife covered significant expenses, with monthly care costs rising from $1,500 to $6,600. While their income growth helped avoid financial ruin, the experience prompted them to plan carefully for their own futures. Nuar emphasizes the importance of maximizing Health Savings Accounts for long-term care and having clear advanced healthcare directives.
Reflecting on the emotional and financial toll, Nuar shares, “There was an emotional cost to all of this; having to look at dollars and then make care decisions was very hard.” He hopes their story encourages others to prepare and supports improvements in care options for families facing similar challenges.