T he first feeling that courses through my veins is that of complete surrender when I turn into the Delta Queen car wash on a recent Monday afternoon.
“Oh s—t,” I say aloud as I pull in, realizing that there’s no turning back now, at least not without colliding with the Tesla Cybertruck in my wake. I quickly pick one of three lanes and lurch forward, a row of American flags dutifully billowing over my rental car.
The Campbell auto spa about 50 miles south of San Francisco is designed as a replica of the 20th century Mississippi riverboat of the same name. It sticks out like a sore thumb amid its surrounding environment: nondescript mattress stores and florists; the lone husk of an abandoned Hooters. Wooden plankways surround the behemoth that stands three stories high, with brass portholes and a duo of smokestacks jutting toward the gray sky. Flanked by its own cafe, gift shop and duck pond, with a koi fish-shaped fountain thrown in for good measure, it’s equal parts alluring and inexplicable — at least to the unsuspecting passerby…