After so many bus stops that you will be questioning whether or not you’re still in Madison, you crane your travel-weary neck up Monroe Street. There she blows, Monroe Street Trader Joe’s. Far away from everything, unless you live in the apartments directly attached to it, this particular flagship grocery store unites primly dressed graduate students, locally residing faculty, and the “I’ve got bats flying out of my wallet” broke-level undergrads alike. Rest assured that after you have made this adventure through its approximately three aisles, you will have crossed over into becoming a true Madisonian. One of the over-friendly cashiers will knight you with an already-wilting bouquet of flowers and you can allow yourself to luxuriate in the sense of community it bestows upon you.
But, hold on just now. Before you can even begin to think of overcoming one of the most essential, yet treacherous rites of passages, you must first understand what you are getting yourself into. So, roll up your sleeves, lace up your best running shoes, (once you’ve done this a few times, your accoutrement may also include throwing a tote bag with the company’s insignia onto your shoulder), and prepare yourself. Here are the five phases which you will have to circumvent in order to accomplish this rite of passage:
Phase 1: The Entrance …