Dakota County: The night I tried to ask Ellen DeGeneres out
Dakota County: The night I tried to ask Ellen DeGeneres outBy Joe Atkins | Dakota County Commissioner | June 2026Forty years ago this month, in June of 1986, I was a 20-year-old college kid working full time to pay tuition. I also picked up any side jobs I could find, from security at rock concerts at the old Metrodome to my favorite side hustle of all time: joke writing.The problem was that I wasn’t very good at it. In fact, I only ever sold one joke. It was to my friend Todd, who was working part-time as a stand-up comic. He paid me $10 for it and threw in a front-row seat to his next show. He also mentioned he would be the warm-up act for a “gal who could possibly go national.”The night of the show, my joke actually landed. Todd crushed his set. But the “gal” who followed him? She was on another level. At one point during her set, we made eye contact and, in my mind, we had a connection.
Exuding misplaced confidence, I asked Todd to go backstage and see if she would be willing to grab a beer. Todd came back laughing his head off.“She said to tell you she’s gay,” he told me.While I had been turned down before, I had never had a woman cite an entire sexual orientation to avoid a drink with me.Fast forward to November 28, 1986. I was watching television when that same comedian walked onto the stage of “The Tonight Show” for her national debut. It was Ellen DeGeneres, the first female comedian Johnny Carson ever invited over for a chat upon a debut on the show.To this day, she still says she’s gay. I’m finally starting to believe her.A surprise replyI recently shared this story on social media. To my complete surprise, it went viral and Ellen herself saw the post. She replied: “We may not have fallen in love and gotten married but I’d say things turned out pretty well for both of us. Sending love.”She’s right. Things did turn out well. Ellen became a household name and a pioneer. I graduated from college, got married and eventually found my way into public service.But that $10 brush with comedy history has always stuck with me. Not just because it’s a good story but because of the snapshot it provides of how much the world has changed.In 1986, being openly gay in public life, especially in entertainment, carried real professional and personal risk. People were careful. They protected themselves because the world wasn’t always ready to protect them.It’s funny what sticks with you and how those moments come back years later in unexpected ways.The vote of a lifetimeDecades later, in May of 2013, I was serving in the Minnesota House of Representatives. Among the votes we took was whether to legalize same-sex marriage in our state.As I sat at my desk, I thought about the thousands of couples across Minnesota, including many right here in South St. Paul, West St. Paul and Mendota Heights, who had been together for years, supporting their neighbors, paying taxes, running businesses and raising families, yet were denied the legal recognition my wife and I enjoyed.On May 9, 2013, I voted yes.It remains one of the more meaningful votes of my career. Not because it was a political victory but because it helped give thousands of other couples the ability to enjoy the same joys and protections of marriage that my wife and I have enjoyed.The quiet power of normalcyThe bill passed with bipartisan support, the governor signed it, and Minnesota changed. But the most remarkable part is what happened next: life went on.In the years since, the big change has settled into something much more meaningful: normalcy. Today, in communities across Dakota County, same-sex couples build lives together, buy homes, raise families and go about their days much like anyone else.We tend to think history is made only in grand gestures. But it’s also made in the decision to be honest about who you are, like a young comedian in 1986. It’s made in the willingness of communities to grow.And it’s made in the votes cast by people you might see at the local grocery store.Looking back, that $10 joke turned out to be a pretty good investment. Neither Ellen nor I could have predicted where our paths would lead that night in 1986. She went national. I ended up in a position to help open a door for others to live their lives a little more fully.As your county commissioner, I’m reminded that the debates we have today will one day be viewed through the rearview mirror of history. My hope is that when we look back, we see a community that has become better at making room for people to be exactly who they are.Even if they don’t want to grab a beer with me.Commissioner Joe Atkins represents South St. Paul, West St. Paul and Inver Grove Heights on the Dakota County Board. He welcomes comments at [email protected] and 651-438-4430.View past articles from this year!It’s time for the next Minnesota Miracle (January 2026)What a new Minnesota Miracle could look like (February 2026)By the way, I love your pizza (March 2026)Updating state computers can save taxpayers millions (April 2026)Sometimes the best stories are the quiet ones (May 2026)
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